You told me you loved me and then took it back.
That was the first blow that made the first crack.
My heart has been broken a few times before.
But I’m sure you’ll destroy it a hundred times more.
Loving you felt reckless and dumb,
But ignoring you made my heart numb.
Right now you can’t love me the way that I need.
If my heart were my tears it surely would bleed.
I’m afraid to love too little and I’m afraid to love too much.
I’m empty without you and lonely for your touch.
You captured me so easy, I gave in and I fell.
Our love was a secret that I couldn’t wait to tell.
That may never happen, you may lose all hope.
My heart will lie shattered and never again cope.
I’m holding on tightly please don’t let me go.
This is me begging and pleading, I’ve reached a new low.
If you release my heart will never be the same.
You’ll destroy it completely, you’ll be to blame.
Sorry I’ve been away so long, I’ve been in a writers funk lately. I guess I just need something to write about that’s interesting to my readers. I like many different things and I especially love sports. I recently created a sports blog because I was attending so many sporting events and I spend a big chunk of my time reading ESPN and yahoo sports. I didn’t think many people would be that interested in it but if you’d like to check it out it’s at www.lovetoknowsports.com I also got my ass in gear and redid all of plumppages.com. You have to check it out, I worked hard on it and I think it looks great. You will have to stop by there and check it out and leave me a comment or two. I am giving a contest soon giving away lingerie to some plus sized ladies that want to be part of the action on the blog. I will be alot more active!
Sometimes I feel like I’ve fallen into a huge hole of a stereotype that I’ll never be able to climb out of. I knew when I started taking naked pics that I’d be put into certain categories and there would be people that wanted to have nothing to do with me. I never figured that once I started taking naked pics that if I showed any other facets of my life it may turn people off to me. Sometimes it feels like people find me worthless and only good for naked pics. Just having a bad week.
I thought about this today and immediately felt saddened. I’ve thanked people for letting me stay at their house and I’ve thanked people for saying nice things to me but I haven’t felt completely thankful in a long time or even stopped to think about how thankful I was for something. Sometimes I think like thank you is similar to I love you. Often used but not always felt. It becomes a habit, we don’t think about why we are thankful or why it really means anything to us we just say it because it’s polite and we are supposed to. In reality I’m thankful for everything I have, I just want to feel passionately when I thank someone. I tried to think about the last time my heart felt overwhelmed to thank someone recently. Nothing really came to mind. I’m going to stop and think next time I say thank you, smile and really feel the emotion of what I’m saying. Have you thanked anyone recently? I thank you all from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog and making me feel like my mind is worth something. This blog may be used for promotion of my website much of the time but it provides a much needed outlet and a place for me to feel appreciated at times so thank you!
My Plumper magazine has been out for quite some time now and they were some of my favorite pics I’ve ever taken. Most likely because my hair and makeup was professionally done lol. I loved the pics so much that I asked if I could have a few of them for my website and website only. I was told I’d have to buy them for 150$ which was not much less than what I’d been paid to shoot them. Not only did I only get paid a little and for one set of photos they used my photoset in 3 different magazine. I know it’s legal because I signed a contract with the company and not just the magazine but why wouldn’t you pay someone a little more for new and original content? They have also started putting the content on a website called www.plumpersandbw.com. I’m sure the photos and videos are all high quality since they are meant to be distributed for a magazine but I just wished they would have mentioned that they were going to use the content on another website. So if you do decide to join. Make sure you join through my affiliate lol so I make a little money Anyway I came across some of my pictures from the spread that are also on the magazine and I couldn’t wait to share them with you!.
I’ve been thinking about my dad’s Father’s Day gift for awhile now. I’m not a good gift person. I’m one of those people if I see something I want to get someone I buy it for them but I am not good at the holiday gift giving thing. Anyway I follow this guy on twitter called Shit My Dad Says. It’s extremely funny and not only does it remind me of my dad but even more reminds me of my dad’s dad. So a few weeks ago I realized that he had wrote a book of the same title so I was definitely going to buy that for my dad for father’s day. I picked today to order it and when I googled it I found out that they have made a sitcom of the book and it looks very funny:
Not only that I found out today it’s on the New York Times Best Seller List. At least I’m not the only one in the world that finds his shit hiliarious. It’s good to know that some people have the same sense of humor that I do. Now I just have to figure out what else to get my dad for Father’s Day lol
I spent several hours on twitter the other day making lists and organizing my followers. Before I barely followed anyone because it congested my twitter feed for the people I really wanted to read about. Well I decided I really wanted to follow more people especially the people that were friendly to me and a fan of me. So creating the lists on twitter seemed like the only way to go about doing it. I made lists labeled porn peeps, BBWs, Sports, comedians, NFL and I added one of BBW lovers for all the men that had a certain admiration for us plus size beauties. I didn’t make a category just labeled “Dudes that hit me up” or anything like that. Well I got a tweet from this guy that was offended I put him in the category of BBW lover, he claimed he loved all women. Well sir I didn’t have a category for men that love all women and I actually took the time to look at all the people these men follow to make sure that they followed other BBWs because I know some men that follow me may follow me for other reasons besides the point that I’m a BBW. This guy had about 70% of the women he was following that were BBWs. I didn’t think it was offensive to label him as a BBW lover but I then felt it offensive that he didn’t want to be labeled as one on a stupid social network just for the sole reason for me to keep up with. Not only did he get mad over my label, he said that he really likes smart and educated women like *insert name here*. Was that a hit at me? Was he trying to claim I’m not smart and educated like this other person? You don’t know my education, you don’t know what degrees I have and what type of work I’ve done in my past. I decided right then that he would be taken off the list, unfollowed completely and I decided to block him because he’s a whiner. I knew he’d keep bringing my name into the mix so I looked at his next few tweets that consisted of my being too sensitive, but if that’s the worst he could come up with then I’m proud to be who I am. However one girl who is a BBW made him feel special and wrote back to him “Some in the BBW community think that guys can only like BBWs or non-BBWs. I beg to differ ”. Who the fuck said I think a man can only like BBWs? I’M A BBW IT WAS MY LIST. If he is on a Big tit milf girls list she can say he’s a “big tit milf lover”. Hell many men that are attracted to me don’t like BBWs at all. But he did so it seems like it would be offensive to every BBW he’s following that he would get upset over that label. Men that love BBWs no matter if they love other types of women should be accepting and proud of the fact that they admire BBWs. It’s like if you are on two different porn forums, one being Chubby Parade and the other being Freeones, you would be considered a chubby lover on one and not the other…. To top it all off the guy was trying to “talk to me on a personal level” then come to find out he has a GF… can I say creeper!
Defensive… I wasn’t always this way. I grew up in a small town in Mississippi, a town with only about 3000 people and no fast food or stop lights. On top of that my town was about 97% white. I’ve been called a redneck, hillbilly, country girl and many more names because of it. I’ve never taken offense to being called any of these names and I’ve never ever thought I was the slightest bit racist. Maybe a little naive to other races and cultures but never racist. I never dealt with the issue of race in my small town. My best friend growing up was a black girl but I never though anything of it when she stopped hanging out with me in high school. When I moved to California I realized that being born in the South brought a huge burden on me and a lot of negative viewpoints towards me. I was refused for a job because I had a southern accent and didn’t sound like I was from California so they didn’t think their customers would take me seriously. Once I finally found a job I was the minority, the only white chick that worked in my department. I took hits every day for being the slow white girl, I was continually belittled because of my accent and because I talked slower than them. I also talk very grammatically correct and proper so I’m sometimes thought to be a little snobby. I thought the jokes were funny, I never took any offense from them and I thought they were doing it all in fun. Until one day I played back and made a cultural joke in response to a dumb redneck joke. A guy twice as big as me got in my face and called me a bitch and told me I better be careful to ever say shit like that and that I was lucky he didn’t hit me. I was scared to death and immediately broke down in tears. I’d never had anything like that happen to me. I was no longer naive to the double standards we have in this society. I then put up my walls, kept quiet, and so constructed my defense. I quit that job a week later because I felt secluded and misunderstood.
I was brought up in church, my dad was Catholic and my mom was Baptist so they made sure to teach me the ways of both churches and let me make my decision on what religion I wanted to be. Still to this day I’ve never decided on a religion. In fact I’m not sure that I believe in organized religion at all. I’ve read the bible and Luke 6:37 says, “Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned: forgive, and ye shall be forgiven.” I’ve lived my life trying not to be judgmental of anyone. I don’t believe that everyone has to believe in God, I don’t believe everyone has to believe in certain religions, and I definitely don’t believe that people should be judged for what they believe in. Same with politics, I don’t preach to people that I think everyone should agree with me. I believe what I believe and I vote accordingly. I am a huge supporter of Civil Rights, once again I do not feel the right has been given upon me to decide who can be with who and who can marry who. I do believe that religion should be allowed back in schools but I think tolerance and understanding of all religions need to be taught as well. I’ve had to defend myself so many times for what I believe in. The worst part for me is to be called uneducated or dumb. I have a degree, I never speak about issues without researching them first and I formulate my own opinion about any of the choices I support. I’ll never be a follower and just stand in line and let anyone tell me what I have the right to think. I just don’t understand why people cannot be tolerable and understanding of other people’s beliefs. Just because someone doesn’t agree with you doesn’t make them wrong, and most importantly what we are all afraid of, it doesn’t make you wrong either. I’ve been scrutinized for where i was raised and being white, to my religious views and for my stance in the political arena. As soon as people stop pointing fingers and instead reflect upon themselves a thousand solutions in this world will be solved. I’m tired of having to defend myself… I’m tired of being judged…..I’m tired of being defensive….
I am starting to realize that I am such a kid at times. Today when I was driving down the street I saw a sign with a huge picture of this guy running for sheriff and covering the picture were scribbled on bifocals, a mustache and some missing teeth and for some reason I busted out laughing. I realize it’s not really that funny but for me at that moment it just was hilarious. I catch myself daydreaming about silly things all the time. Sometimes I think it would be nice to just be a kid again, have no cares in the world and just be naive to all the awful things that go on around me. There is no real story line to my blog tonight, I was just thinking about it and thought I’d write it down Any way now I will share some pictures that you can see more of if you join my website that are definitely not part of the kid in me!
I mentioned in a post before how much I’ve been working out. Well I used to be a fastpitch softball pitcher so I worked my arms out daily. My coach made me stay after practice and run more laps and lift more weights than anyone else. I’m sure she really saw the potential in me and knew I could be the best so she worked me the hardest. I was bench pressing 185 lbs at one point, which may not sound like alot but it’s a large amount for a girl! I’ve always been told that if you were in shape or an athlete before the muscles come back faster than if you’ve never lifted weights. I now believe that lol. My arms and my thighs are getting huge. It’s strange how when you gain weight and you start to lose again you don’t necessarily lose weight back in those places you gained. I gained weight in my face, ass/hips, boobs, and my tummy. Everywhere basically I guess lol. I’ve been losing weight in my face, feet(I know that’s super weird but my shoes are too big now.. ), and in my waist. My waist is at 35 inches which is smaller than it was when I was at my smallest, however since I’m losing inches there my hips are staying just as wide. I’ve been getting a few emails of guys that don’t want me to lose weight, and I’m flattered that they like me the way I am but hopefully they’ll continue to find me attractive at a lower weight because I’m doing this for me. Some of you may not be all that attracted to buff girls but a lot of BBW lovers like buff girls as well so I decided I’d take some pics of my newly forming muscles today after my shower
To see clips of the New Kendra Sex Tape CLICK HERE or Click the Pic!
I’ve always thought Kendra Wilkinson was super hot and I love her personality. At times she very much so reminds me of ME! Her silly personality, the way she is always unable to not keep the things on her mind quiet, and her love of sports. In the last episode she also got angry and threw a tantrum that was very similar to the crazy tantrums I throw lol. Anyway the second her video came out this week I had to go run take a sneak peak. She was so adorably cute even before she reached her stardom. I am quite fond of her big fake tits but her small perky ones also looked quite nice!
I have to say I think this set is ridiculously cute! Lol Even if my photographer made me wear hooker heels while digging in dirt It made it even hotter I think. A hot fat chick doing manual labor, what could be hotter? Oh yeah, maybe if I was servicing your pipe? lol Check out the rest of these pics at www.shamelessangel.com
Here’s a few extra pics for you
P.S. the scratches on my ass are from me deciding to go skinny dipping and sliding butt naked down a concrete slide lol
When did I decide that it was ok to be so hard on myself? I’ve been learning alot about myself lately. Some of it I want to know and a little of it I don’t want to know. But I do know that I’m my own worst critic, maybe we all are in some shape or form. I’ve been dieting for 3 months now and I’ve lost about 30 pounds. It’s been really hard to get more weight than that off. I weighed in today and the scale said I gained two pounds this week. I was so bummed and so pissed off at myself that I went straight to the gym and did over 80 minutes and 7 miles on the elliptical. I was so disappointed, I’ve worked my ass off, I’m at the gym everyday and sometimes twice a day. Not only am I working my ass off working out I’m also dieting on top of it all. So instead of feeling that I’m doing a great job at motivating myself and being proud of how much I’ve grown physically I’m angry at my self for gaining 2 pounds… 2 freaking pounds. I want to tell myself that 2 pounds is nothing, but that’s how I got into this mess in the first place. I kept gaining a little here and a little there and telling myself that it was ok because it was only a little until one day I realized I had gained 65 pounds in a little over a year.. That’s a lot of weight to gain, that can’t be healthy. Not only was I bigger than I’d ever been before but my knees and my back were beginning to be sore daily from the new amount of weight I was putting on them. I know I need to cut myself a little slack but I also know I need to stay on top of my body and it’s changes. I’ve also become very aware of the amount of stretch marks that have recently been popping up on almost every inch of my body. So I ask myself, do I stay fat? or do I live with stretch marks and a little extra skin? Both really make me self conscious of my body. In the big scheme of things I’m sure that 2 pounds will drive me nuts but in the end really won’t matter.
Just random things that popped into my head that people may not know about me. I may add to it later as I think of things but as of now it’s 3am.
1. I love animals, all kinds though I’m scared of snakes and alligators.
2. I like to go fishing
3. I love to go to comedy shows, like the Improv.
4. I have had sex with less than 10 people lol
5. I grew up in a small town with no stop lights and no fast food.
6. I watch Jeopardy religiously
7. I played softball(fast and slow pitch) my whole life
8. I bite my nails
9. I’ve had pneumonia 14 times
10. I never parallel parked until I moved to Los Angeles
11. I am very ticklish
12. I giggle way too much
13. I have more crushes on women than men, but I’m straight.
14. I hate when men message me that don’t know how to spell or use correct grammar(typos don’t bother me)
15. I love to play poker, any kind.
16. I love to play mmorpgs but haven’t had the time in a few years
17. I write when I’m sad
18. I’m shy even though I pose naked online.
19. I want many tattoos
20. I want marriage and children some day.
21. I’ve never done any drugs in my life.
22.
I’ve been webcamming on Rude again alot lately, so if you’d like to catch a show you can see me here a few nights a week. But if you’d like to set up a private show through paypal email me at shamelessangel69@yahoo.com! I also have a free show for my members on May 27th at 10pm. So if you haven’t signed up already you should at www.shamelessangel.com ;D
I don’t know what it is about Rihanna but she just oozes sex appeal. Her new video is super hot and how cool does she look channeling Slash near the end? I’ve listened to the cd over and over a thousand times in my car and the new video is way too hot. Check it out.
Have you ever felt that moment of peace where you feel all the anger and sadness and loneliness you’ve been feeling release from your soul?
Where you close your eyes and just let go and allow yourself to lose all control?
Where you no longer want to be the person you were before?
And you think right now is the moment and you know you deserve more.
Your body relaxes and you feel a relief.
And the only fear in the world is that this feeling may be brief.
You’ve forgotten that you ever had any care in the world at all.
Every bit of stress and distraction has now become small.
The calmness possessed you, so strong and so fast.
You don’t really care, you just want it to last.
I’ve been somewhat of an emotional mess the last few weeks. I’m not really sure what’s going on with me but I realized a few things about myself. I find so much happiness in really small things. I love spring time and the really beautiful roadside flowers, the smell of fresh cut grass, puppies, a smile from a stranger, a message that tells me I’m pretty and so many more small things that make my days enjoyable. But on the other hand the smallest things can make me extremely sad or lonely, a sad song, a rude comment, a news story on the television. I’m not sure how to unattach myself emotionally to the things that can make me sad. I’m really just a sensitive and very emotional individual. I was told recently that I’ve matured alot, I’m not sure it’s that at all, in fact I think it’s that I’ve learned to hide my sensitivity a little better. All of my friends know that I get defensive when I get my feelings hurt and I’ve tried not to say really mean things back to people when they hurt my feelings but it’s just my defense mechanism, my safety net that blocks me from a little bit of the hurt. I break easily, and I’m not sure why they call it heart break when everything hurts. I just don’t want to be broken.
I haven’t wrote about my website much lately. I got kind of lost in myself for a little bit. I closed myself off to the world. Every emotion I felt, I kept bottled up inside. Every fear I’ve had I just shoved under the bed to bring out again another day. I don’t really know when I started feeling alone and afraid in life. I gained alot of weight in my unhappiness. I know some FAs really enjoyed my weight gain but I was very unhappy with it and not confident at all. It made me not want to take pictures for my site and when you don’t feel good while taking pictures it usually shows. I’ve been feeling alot better about myself lately. I reached a weight that was higher than any weight I’d ever been at before and it kicked my ass into gear to start worrying about myself. I started a diet about 2 months ago and I’ve been hitting the gym every day. I was quite embarrasssed the first day I went to the gym, I thought I was big stuff and got on the elliptical. After about 6 minutes I was dying and had to move to the bike. I’m up to 70 minutes on the elliptical now and going about 5 and a half miles. I’ve also been weight training and it makes me feel good and so energized. I’ve always been a fat girl so I never thought I’d ever be that girl that likes going to the gym but I am. I’ve lost about 20 pounds so far and I’m back taking pictures and enjoying it again. Here are a few pics I’ve taken this week after the weight loss. I hope you like them
Anyway I came across some of my pictures from the spread that are also on the magazine and I couldn’t wait to share them with you!.
Now I just have to figure out what else to get my dad for Father’s Day lol
It made it even hotter I think. A hot fat chick doing manual labor, what could be hotter? Oh yeah, maybe if I was servicing your pipe? 
lol Check out the rest of these pics at 
